That sound

My dear sunshine,

When you are sleep in the mornings, I sometimes lay beside you to watch you, to smell you, and listen to you breathing.

That is probably the only thing that gives me joy in life right now.

Endless love,

Your father

Olsbackagården

My dear sunshine,

This is just a reminder to your future. This is the daycare that you went to from age of almost 2.5 and up to now which is 5. You have spent a lot of your daytime in here and you have had a lot fun and enjoyed it for the very most part.

This is just a reminder...

Love,
Your father

A bad day and a shocker

My dear sunshine,

This time I decided to write you a memory of a bad day. On the 9th of June 2014, I had just come from the toughest challenge that I had ever been through, namely a mountain bike race that took two days before that which hammered me both physically and mentally big time. I was crushed and I felt like a loser but I decided to give some time to lick my wounds and pick another day for the fight. I stayed an extra day at home which coincided with the day that they were having a summer party at your daycare. Apparently, everyone i.e. the children obviously, were supposed to wear costumes that day but both your mum and I believe that this piece of information was NOT given to us properly. So we came there and we were faced with all the children who had dressed up in their favorite costumes and their parents. It was a warm and quite humid day as the sun was shining right after a heavy rain. At first we were slightly surprised but I thought to myself that maybe you wouldn't realize that you are not dressed up and wouldn't mind very much. But then we saw you, standing in a corner, very sad and looking at others. You saw us and you couldn't really express what you were feeling but that was unnecessary because both me and your mum felt like that our hearts dropped by seeing you like that and I started to think what can we do then. Your mum without any hesitation said that let me go and grab her costume and come back but I said that there is no time for that as they are about to start their party by singing a song with all the children, apparently they had practiced on that. Anyway she took the car and I stayed with you trying in vain to cheer you up. I even came with you in the gathering with all the children so that we could sing along but obviously and very understandably, you were not much in the mood. As the singing finished, your mum came back quickly with your dress which was actually tinker bell costume and we put that on you and you started to feel better. I was honestly really concerned for your mum and was hoping that she doesn't cause and accident or something. She told me later that she wouldn't have believed how fast she drove to make it as fast as possible. Given her ultra conservatism while driving, she must have done an extraordinary job because she came back really soon. Anyway, here's a picture of after you dressed up and started to feel better:

I had not really recovered from the sight of you being so sad and the fact that you understood this whole thing actually overwhelmed me when we realized that it was a planned picnic out there and everyone had brought their own basket and started to eat. Obviously once again(!), we had nothing. I said this time I'll go and buy some ice cream quickly from the nearby gas station, trying to pull my share of fixing this. I jumped in the car and rush to the nearby gas station to get ice cream. I stood in line to pay for it at the cashier when all of a sudden, it hit me that I don't have my wallet with me. I rushed back to the car to see if I have left it there but I hadn't. Turned out that I rushed so much that I had left my wallet on the roof of the car and drove away leaving it there! Yet another nasty shock on a day that had already gone terrible. I went back to you and eventually we went home all sad, depressed and stressed out. That day did finish on a positive note because just as I was done calling different places and blocking my cards and what not, someone called me and told me that my wallet was found! Regardless of all the stress and bad luck and what not on that day, I was mostly amazed by your ability to monitor and analyze your surroundings and understand it while not being able to fully express yourself. I had underestimated you (and I do apologize for that) and yet again, you surprised me and taught me a valuable lesson.

Love,

Your father

PS. I wrote this post on June the 30th 2014. I took me almost a year to complete it and I can not be more ashamed of myself for not only finishing it in due time but also for not writing to you in a year! I am very sorry for that, the ironic thing is that tomorrow is this year's summer party at your daycare and we will do everything in our power to make it a good day for all of us.